WITHOUT HESITATION

Unaccredited, Poorly Sourced, Meaningless Advice To My Godchildren

Dear Zoey and Enzo,

Life is a funny journey. You see, it’s funny because it’s going to take sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence and absence to understand presence. I wish, along with every other person at this reception that I could protect both of you from life’s not so funny moments, but I can’t, instead what I can do is make a few promises:

• I promise you’ll always be loved no matter who you decide to be in this life. No matter what traits you form and what flaws you possession, you’ll always be surrounded by unconditional love.

• I promise that three things don’t come back in life: ONE the spoken word, TWO the past life and THREE the missed time. Embrace your ability to express yourself in life, if either one of you take anything from me, I hope it’s a love affair with words.  Be careful of how you use your words and with whom you share them. Accept that life is comprised of days, weeks, months and years and know the difference between living in the past, present and future. Take risks, live a life with very few missed moments. Understand the beauty of the present moment because your character in the future will be determined by what you do in that moment.

• I promise you’ll have the ability and resources to accomplish and stay close to anything that makes you glad you’re alive. Be overly animated when it comes to your innate passion in life. Lean on your loved ones for the support and means you require in attaining what you desire from life. Get from us what you need to chase your dreams like you’re running from a bad nightmare. 

• I promise you’ll be tempted to make wishes. Don’t waste your time. Leave the wishes to Hallmark greeting cards. Make plans, set goals, recognize your highest priorities and have the courage to pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically say no to anything else that gets in the way.

• I promise people will try to convince you that good is good enough. Never forget good is the enemy of great and you both were destined for nothing less than grand greatness.

• I promise you’ll get hurt in life, it’ll be painful, but forgiveness is your friend. Make peace with not only the faults of others, but your own as well and you’ll be a lot less prone to getting hurt.

• I promise it’s worth it; this crazy yet brilliant, messy yet beautiful, ironic yet systematic life is absolutely worth it. 

• And finally I promise to be your cool aunt who says yes, when your parents say no!

We're All Shiny Until We Get Touched

His face lingers,

         pits in my mind

              pits in my stomach.

Places human hands,

         ought not touch.



"If you're not learning, you're wasting time"

Dear Pharrell,



 

You are an incredible maker ...

^ ^ ^ click a click clack ^ ^ ^

 

 

Thank you,

A. Esmaili

 

 

BELIEFS: Modern Day Shackles

We want to believe certain things because they make certain other things easier

We want to believe we are immune to things that others are prone to.

We want to believe we don't deserve negative karma.

We want to believe some things will never happen to us.

We want to believe we mean what we say.

We want to believe we want it.

Virtual Diary

This work in progress is me. Sometimes I'm weird and sometimes I'm normal. I give more than I expect. I am insecure about things people don't even know exist and confident about things that people cry themselves to sleep over. I have fight, I have will, I have strength. I have regret, I have agony, I have scars. At times, I hate myself so much  that it makes me laugh. At times, I love myself so much it makes me sad. I hate the idea of love, but love the act of it. I want so many things that I know once I have I will find miserable. I'm ashamed of more than half the thoughts I have on a daily basis. I ignore things that make me upset and tell myself lies to make the pain less severe. Sometimes, I tell myself painful lies that don't exist to pretend like I can handle it if it becomes reality. Out of the hundreds of people I've met, only four understand me and the "me" they understand is the "me" they've created in their own minds. No one understands me.

I don't understand me.

the WISE, the WILD

A Collection Of Atoms

We're all so different and yet so similar.

 

We are different because we all have different traits, behaviors, personalities, wants, needs, pleasures and pains.

 

We are all similar because we are what we are no matter how different we are.

 

So, I suppose what I'm trying to say is that people are who they are for a lot of reasons. Sometimes we may never know what those reasons are, but one thing is for sure, even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from ... we have the power to choose where we go from here.

 

 

And in true cliche of my thoughts, the master of different yet similar herself:

 

"Maybe it’s time to be clear about who I am. I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love. And I don’t think that love is here…"

 

 Carrie-Motherfucking-Bradshaw



Current Anthem

 

(Let the sun shine)
Yeah yeah its a brand new day y'all (Let the sunshine in)
Turn me up in the top a little bit dog
Little do you know, y'all gonna hear this one (The suns shinin')
Loud and clear, bright and early
Listen..
[Verse 1: Mos Def]
I don't hate players, I don't love the game
I'm the shot clock, way above the game
To be point blank with you motherfuck the game
I got all this work on me, I ain't come for play
You can show the little shorties how you pump and fake
But dog, Not to def, I'm not impressed
I'm not amused, I'm not confused, I'm not the dude
I'm grown man business, and I am not in school
Put your hand down youngin' this is not for you
On my J.O. with beats by Kan-ye yo
My name on the marquee, your name off the payroll
Style fresh, like I'm still a day old
And it's been like that since the day yo
On more time than a Roley, or Seiko
Step on deck, your neck do what I say so
Get up or get out, get down or lay low

[Hook 1: Mos Def + (Sample)]
(Let the sun shine)
Standing in the shadow of a fabulous man
Brooklyn nigga I am, Black Dante (Let the sunshine in)
That nigga, that dude
Black People, Lets Move (The suns shinin')
Shout out to my man Talib Kweli, yes
We on top-a top-a, shout-a shout-a
Check it out..

[Verse 2: Mos Def + (Sample)]
Slim nigga that casts a big shadow
Cherokee red to shoot the long arrow
Got more skill, more aim, and more ammo
You can get it all from a big or small barrel
Like, hail Mary, full of grace
Niggas come in and shoot up the place
And make you pull up your face
The deck, I'm a pull out the ace
From the jungles of the empire state
Where it ain't no escape, 247, 718
And thats like every night, every day
From the place that I settle and stay
To the states, I'm collecting my pay
Blast off then I'm back to the K
Hold it down so my family straight
Represent in a family way
Pro ball not for amateur play
Been raw since the amateur stage
Before the press had the cameras raised
[Hook 2: Mos Def + (Sample)]
(Let the sun shine)
Like a long time man of the way
You understanding me straight (Let the sunshine in)
Yes, yes, no doubt, excellence
Its what it is, what it is
And thats what it is, you see? (The suns shinin')
Ha, Fire..

[Verse 3: Mos Def]
Cause it is deeper, sweeter, richer, crisper
Stronger reception and sharper picture
Revolve around God, and involve with niggas
These elements help evolve my scripture
And make Mos Def a classic modern figure
Brooklyn it don't matter if you holler or whisper
Your coming through clear, cause I'm right here wit'cha
Ain't gotta edit your slang, I got it, I get ya
Yo, brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers
The lovers, the leavers, the doubters, believers
The stayers, the quitters, the bitches, the niggas
Rebel guerrillas to ghetto civilians
Y'all 'gon feel it from the first to the millionth
It's extra, ordinary and plain
I walk a thousand paces of light ahead of the game
By the time that you get where I'm standing, I'll be gone
Y'all make moves, but y'all just move wrong
[Outro: Mos Def + (Sample)]
(Let the sun shine)
I move in, and y'all must move on
Cause I'm oh too strong
And I know what my feet move for (Let the sunshine in)
Made it go without a brand new car
I was fresh without a brand new song
Don't give a fuck about what brand you are (The suns shining')
I'm concerned what type of man you are
What your principles and standards are
You understand me y'all
Be good to your family y'all
No matter where your families are
Cause everybody needs family y'all
Raise a hand, you understand me y'all
Everybody needs family y'all
Be good to your families dog
Understand, no matter where your families are
Everybody needs family dog
Raise a hand, you understand me pa
Thats what it is...thats my man
Family and my family Pencil Pete
My man too, all our loved ones behind the walls
All of those who still in the struggle
Assata, Mumia, Sundiata, my man Jamil
(Let the sun shine)
Life is real
To all the real soldiers, black people (Let the sunshine in)
We family y'all (The suns shining')
Let it be bright..

If you can't do BIG things, do SMALL things in a great way

Today, I woke up needing something to make me whole, full, complete.

 

I remembered the works of Friedrich Nietzsche.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous toy."

 

"When power becomes gracious and descends into the visible — such descent I call beauty. And there is nobody from whom I want beauty as much as from you who are powerful: let your kindness be your final self-conquest. Of all evil I deem you capable: therefore I want the good from you. Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws."

 

"Brave, unconcerned, mocking, violent–thus wisdom wants us: she is a woman, and loves only a warrior."

 

"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you."