Recurring thought: TRAVEL

Useful Information for Problematic Women

There will be moments in your life where you will realize that you weren't someone’s destination.  You served as an intermission, an oil change, a rest stop to something better.  With this knowledge can come one of many determinations: I hope you engage with the one that determines the possibility that your shortcomings are functional and understand that we are programmed to ruin things from time to time, to let people down and to have the story end in an anticipated disaster.  If you can grasp this, you’re already in tip top shape to be another’s permanent place of habitation.

Don’t allow others to persuade you that the pleasure you experience from solitude is wrong and somehow means you’re on the wrong path.  How awful it must be for those who cannot stand spending time with themselves.  In a world full of insecurity triggers, be a firm believer that it is a blessing to appreciate spending time with the one person you’re with one hundred percent of the time. 

People will call you a cynic.  Accept that they know no better.  You know the love you've experienced, the love you've given/gained and most importantly the love you are capable of.  You alone are the only person who can comprehend the vast amount of beauty that lies inside of your heart.  Being labeled a cynic because you are not willing to trade your character and respect for the first cube that forcefully tries to fit in your cubbyhole is not a bad badge of honor to rock.  In due course it only makes sense to love someone who understands that.

Things will go wrong.  They will go wrong more often than they will go right.  You will only notice this for a brief moment because you are the type of person who doesn't make up their mind easily.  You don’t like absolutes and you don’t like the concept of right or wrong.  You relish in the in-betweens.  So, when things go wrong in that brief moment take comfort that money worries, traffic, bad investments and angry friends are a sweet and savory breather from the larger catastrophes this life will surly serve up during your sentence.

Story Time

"Do we seize moments or do moments seize us?"

Boyhood, 2014

One Day ...

I'll

find

the

right

words

and

they

will

be

so

simple

I Hate People

A few times a week I like to walk to the grocery store across the street from my office.  I sit on a bench outside and enjoy my salad while I people watch.  Today, I had the displeasure of sitting in a close radius to two grown women.  Despite my efforts to ignore them and surf social media, I heard their conversation.  Irrelevant details aside, one was telling the other about how inspiring X person was for being disabled and still managing to leave the house and partake in social gatherings, she went on to describe how it was motivation for her to be less insecure about going to bars herself because after all, and I quote: “I’m blessed to be healthy.”  Now, having zero disabilities myself (besides the lack of ability to throw food at a dumb stranger), I was furious.  It dawned on me in that moment that disabled people or heck anyone for that matter aren't alive to serve as motivation for incomplete, incompetent, insecure, and insane people.  If we’d stop objectifying one another then maybe we could grow to be a society that needs less ego petting.  And sure I can acknowledge that these people intent to be complimentary in their approach to labeling disabled people or anyone less fortunate as exceptional for continuing with life despite their disadvantages, but something about the entire conversation disgusted me and well, I couldn't wait to spit my venom with my fingertips onto this keyboard.  

[Wo]man-Made Holes in my Shelter

This may be a delayed post as most my past Mother's Day posts have been, but I tend to be impressed by people who show love and affection more consistently or at the very least on days where they aren't specifically instructed to; with that immediately obvious compliment (from myself to myself) aside, I'd like to share some advice I've been able to compile and must credit to the dictator of the first country I ever belonged to: Mama Bear. 

You've taught me to never think, speak, act or live in absolutes, it's better to live believing all things are possible and knowing nothing is indefinite. You've reminded me that while planning for the future is important, it doesn't serve one well if you dilute the present. You showed me how to be content in times where only chaos brewed. You told me that happiness is in one's mind, it's not a permanent state of being and when assuming that happiness only comes in the future, one will always be ten steps behind, chasing and never quite catching up to happiness. You disciplined me when my ego and pride reached unhealthy levels. You showed me how confidence can shine during times of humility. 

Simply put, you've raised one badass daughter. Thank you. 

I Go to Seek a Great Perhaps

Hawaii, 2014

"... we're all just out here sipping Mai Tais, shaking our hips, and catching waves. Are they insane?" 

Golden Calculator Required

If there is something I love, it's words. Reading words a stranger wrote continents away. Visiting older words neatly resting on dusty shelves. Meeting with my current words on my nightstand at the end of the day. Watching someone's lips while more words come to life. It's detrimental if the wrong person with the right words gets a hold of you, but my god do I adore words.

now turn the page ...

I'm an avid believer in the concept of "tasting your words before you spit them out," and I for the most part don't like people who use too many words aka talk too much, but lately I've been on a new one. I've been practicing being horribly straightforward. I get a sick kick out of sending reckless text messages because I figured how reckless can a form of digitized communication really be?! Think about it, I know females (likely males too -- only no one will ever know) who spend minutes, hours, DAYS contemplating responses on a tiny screen that just goes "whoosh" and displays "delivered." That's just crazy, abnormally, irrationally, and absolutely crazy. I get it, we're the tech-generation. Everything is abbreviated, everything is readily available, everything is everything (if only Lauryn Hill's "heart was still in rhyming"), but it's just a god damn text message. If you need to contemplate a response to a person, if you need to set up a pow-wow with your girlfriends to have them pet your ego and assure you that your wording is correct then you're not living. What's worse is you don't even realize you could get hit by a bus one day or accept the always neglected concept of death. Instead of all that agony, spend it saying whatever the heck it is you're thinking. Tell people how absolutely magical they are in a human pool of filth. Live your life straightforward or at least try to. Maybe this is just a phase I'm going thru. Maybe it's weird, scary or downright impossible to just be, to just let people know you want them, need them, feel like in this very moment if you do not tell them, hold them, see them, touch them in some way -- whether it's your toes under the sheets, your tongue in their mouth or your heart in their hands that you maybe will just wish you were hit by a bus. See sharing words with the right person has me thinking that there is nothing more beautiful than being desperately straight forward and nothing more riskier than pretending not to care.

My thoughts are vaild simply because I think them

There are a few things about my appearance I've known for a long time. I know I have an awkward face, it's not pretty in the way some faces are. My jaw line is too strong for a woman. My nose is too pointy and long. My eyes don't twinkle or reflect light properly. My hair never falls just perfectly without some energy from a blow dryer. My lips aren't immaculately sculpted in a cupid's arrow nor is my chin equally memorable. With that being said, I've been starring at myself more and more in the mirror and as a result I'm realizing how lucky I am for all the awkwardness that has resided here for the last 28 years -- some new thanks to getting older and some permanent thanks to my parents.

So, yes I'll never be good enough to be that girl and that's not bad.

I like things & stuff. Mostly stuff, but don't tell things.

stuff I like

fire escapes | libraries | bubble baths | hoodies | knee high socks | hand sanitizer | smell of baby powder | brick walls | gummy bears | palm trees | most old things | light bulbs | water | chucks | the color black | coffee | peonies | dogs | quotes | metropolitan cities | shadows | cartoons | book stores | candles | photographs | big mugs | popcorn | Halloween | frames | airports | swings | balloons | white tees | good tunes | bicycles | doors | furniture | flea markets | space | nutella | legos | cake | hot fries | Polaroids | my niece/nephews | holidays | rain | 

Innate Behavior

I've always pegged myself as a rational, non-impulse, controlled shopper, but there is something about the right pieces of fabric paired with the right pieces of metal that just make a girl go cray cray.

 

 



Chi City

♪ ♫ I met this girl when I was twenty eight years old ♫ ♪

 

Chicago, 2014

 

"until next time ..."