Somewhere along the way I lost
myself, not in the way most people do, but in the way in which I did.
It seems like I've been asleep for the last four years. I can't go on like
this. Something needs to give and when things are giving, but in a gradual
manner, you forget to notice what is being given until it's fairly near the end
of its growth and you're in too deep.
I wish someone would save me so I can save someone else. It's so loud, the dreadful noise coming from my insides, the one that echoes "oh, darling, in the end you have to save yourself because everyone else is busy saving themselves." I promise once I do, I'll change the tone in someone else's insides.
It almost seems like there is a force that is constantly placing
people/things in my life to drain me. Drop by drop, day after day, I'm vanishing
with this masked misery. I look in the mirror and I'm blinded by an image of a little girl who had all the potential in the world until she discovered the truth about it and realized she wanted nothing to do with it. I can't operate like this anymore. I need to wake up from this coma or it'll really be too late.
I miss my thoughts. I miss my abilities. I miss my
emotions. I miss my opportunities. I miss my creativity. I miss my sense of
security. I miss my hunger. I miss my intelligence. I miss my beauty.
I miss myself.
Ani your beauty inside of you is unparalleled simple because your honest and not only with yourself but with everyone. I mean look at what your writing, it goes beyond what any one person can ask for when questioning the integrity of someone. Your giving the upper hand to everyone that can view this page by knowing your truth and in doing so you'r living...you'r alive. Not meany people have that ability. Your intelligence is at the highest level of thought. You've already saved yourself, because your simply truthful, and you will live a truthful life, because that's what life is when you sacrifice your all.... truthful, and through that you have attained all the character you need in life my friend. Believe that!! I apologize for writing you and being a bother but I don't, because how you write and I'm sure it's the way you live through your heart is rarely seen in this world. Best wishes
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