Society molds every single person alive (and dead) from the moment they are old enough to be aware of their surroundings. Among these molds comes one of the BIGGEST and SILLIEST expectation: we are all expected to find our "other half" in this world, build a life with them and produce offspring to torture into following our footsteps (that were not in fact our genuine wants, rather enforced ones).
Now, don't get me wrong ... I'm among one of those gals who genuinely wants offspring and believes in being pathetically romantic (in my own terms), but granted I'm not even sure how much of this is me and how much of it is society. I do acknowledge my hypocritical wants, but with the same token I can identify that I would be in a much calmer, safer, happier state of mind if the EXPECTATIONS and PRESSURES were non-existent. It's such a cruel joke to place people on this earth and place them on this assignment that for most is NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE (unless you settle).
What if we envisioned a life where one does everything and anything their heart desires and that is the first and foremost expectation from society and if you happen to be lucky enough to find someone who enjoys the journey with you, then you take them in as they would take you in (given the feelings are reciprocated) and once that fades/changes you are expected to move on to the next person who now fits the new you and so on and so forth until you've soaked in as much life as you could possibly absorb.
Now, since that isn't quite the norms of our current society, I challenge it to answer a question for me, one that will allow me to successfully complete the assignment it has forced upon me since birth ... HOW/WHEN DO YOU KNOW IT'S REAL LOVE? -- where are the rules, the guidelines, the signs? If I am expected to flourish in this department and meet the requirements of a 'good mule' then I expect some great guidance. Does anyone really know when it's "right?" Do society endorsed fireworks go off? Do you feel comfortable? Or is feeling comfortable a sign that there are no fireworks? Is doubt and hesitation a sign? Is it a sign that it's not right or a sign that you aren't ready? C'mon now, do share the secrets. Unless society wants to admit the most taboo thought ever, IT'S NEVER RIGHT, YOU JUST LEARN TO SETTLE.
Oh how my married friends are going to hate me for this one ....
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Ooooh I feel you on this. No. It's never just "right." I don't care what anyone says. There are those who may be more right than others, but no one will ever be "the one. " there are a shitload of potential "ones." And essentially yes, what we do is settle. But that doesn't always have to have such a negative connotation. When we settle for someone we settle DOWN. We settle into the joys and (yes) pains of compromise, opening ourselves to change and growing with another human being as you construct a family with one another. When we settle we get comfortable. Comfortable enough to truly be ourselves, and comfortable enough to give and receive love. The fairy tales we are sold are bullshit. There will always be hard work, and there will always be room for improvement. There is no magic moment, or lightbulb above the head. Settling is a decision. Just like the millions of decisions we make every day. It's just one of those decisions that requires a lot more soul searching than most.
ReplyDeleteI needed to hear this, so badly! Thank you for giving me insight into the other side of the field. As a hopeless romantic, I was hopelessly waiting for a logical and reasonable explanation. My favorite: "And essentially yes, what we do is settle. But that doesn't always have to have such a negative connotation. When we settle for someone we settle DOWN."
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