WITHOUT HESITATION

Unaccredited, Poorly Sourced, Meaningless Advice To My Godchildren

Dear Zoey and Enzo,

Life is a funny journey. You see, it’s funny because it’s going to take sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence and absence to understand presence. I wish, along with every other person at this reception that I could protect both of you from life’s not so funny moments, but I can’t, instead what I can do is make a few promises:

• I promise you’ll always be loved no matter who you decide to be in this life. No matter what traits you form and what flaws you possession, you’ll always be surrounded by unconditional love.

• I promise that three things don’t come back in life: ONE the spoken word, TWO the past life and THREE the missed time. Embrace your ability to express yourself in life, if either one of you take anything from me, I hope it’s a love affair with words.  Be careful of how you use your words and with whom you share them. Accept that life is comprised of days, weeks, months and years and know the difference between living in the past, present and future. Take risks, live a life with very few missed moments. Understand the beauty of the present moment because your character in the future will be determined by what you do in that moment.

• I promise you’ll have the ability and resources to accomplish and stay close to anything that makes you glad you’re alive. Be overly animated when it comes to your innate passion in life. Lean on your loved ones for the support and means you require in attaining what you desire from life. Get from us what you need to chase your dreams like you’re running from a bad nightmare. 

• I promise you’ll be tempted to make wishes. Don’t waste your time. Leave the wishes to Hallmark greeting cards. Make plans, set goals, recognize your highest priorities and have the courage to pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically say no to anything else that gets in the way.

• I promise people will try to convince you that good is good enough. Never forget good is the enemy of great and you both were destined for nothing less than grand greatness.

• I promise you’ll get hurt in life, it’ll be painful, but forgiveness is your friend. Make peace with not only the faults of others, but your own as well and you’ll be a lot less prone to getting hurt.

• I promise it’s worth it; this crazy yet brilliant, messy yet beautiful, ironic yet systematic life is absolutely worth it. 

• And finally I promise to be your cool aunt who says yes, when your parents say no!

We're All Shiny Until We Get Touched

His face lingers,

         pits in my mind

              pits in my stomach.

Places human hands,

         ought not touch.



"If you're not learning, you're wasting time"

Dear Pharrell,



 

You are an incredible maker ...

^ ^ ^ click a click clack ^ ^ ^

 

 

Thank you,

A. Esmaili

 

 

BELIEFS: Modern Day Shackles

We want to believe certain things because they make certain other things easier

We want to believe we are immune to things that others are prone to.

We want to believe we don't deserve negative karma.

We want to believe some things will never happen to us.

We want to believe we mean what we say.

We want to believe we want it.

Virtual Diary

This work in progress is me. Sometimes I'm weird and sometimes I'm normal. I give more than I expect. I am insecure about things people don't even know exist and confident about things that people cry themselves to sleep over. I have fight, I have will, I have strength. I have regret, I have agony, I have scars. At times, I hate myself so much  that it makes me laugh. At times, I love myself so much it makes me sad. I hate the idea of love, but love the act of it. I want so many things that I know once I have I will find miserable. I'm ashamed of more than half the thoughts I have on a daily basis. I ignore things that make me upset and tell myself lies to make the pain less severe. Sometimes, I tell myself painful lies that don't exist to pretend like I can handle it if it becomes reality. Out of the hundreds of people I've met, only four understand me and the "me" they understand is the "me" they've created in their own minds. No one understands me.

I don't understand me.

the WISE, the WILD