Mental Health

“For each person there is a sentence—a series of words—which has the power to destroy them.” 

 - Philip K. Dick 

Monday Morning Magic



Meanwhile in Germany, I was two years old

Perfect



(Wannabe) Globetrotter

Hong Kong, 2013

what an

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"The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water; but to walk on the earth."

 

Chinese Proverb

Those Lights Doe, They Did Something Yo

I came along and I wrote some words while sitting on the curb of a dirty alley in an unknown city. It warmed my soul. It tickled my fingertips. It calmed my insides.

You will fall in love. You will. You will love someone who irritates you and whose orgasm face gazes and feels pitiful. This someone will be so utterly wrong for you, you’ll wonder why you stick around, but you’ll continue to stick around. There will be something about this person that will keep you drawn to them and that something will continuously go up and down on your man-made scale of importance. Despite all of this, you will want to protect them from the harsh world that you’ve come all too familiar with. You will do your best to be their noble protector, but what you will lack to realize is that you are the harsh world. You are what they need protection from, you are the harsh world. It will take a lot of days, dates, nights, and fights and if you’re lucky a few moments of silence for this reality to resonate with you. You are the harsh world. Finally it’ll be over and when it is you’ll take whatever love is left and put it back into the fridge, the one thing that you kept in common. The ice cold fridge, the ice cold fridge will hold the sad plate of leftovers, that’s the moment you will accept that you are a part of the harsh world. You have the power to hurt someone. We all do. The better of us will know with this power comes the choice to decide what kind of role we want to take on in our future relationships.


You will fall in love. You will. You will love someone who’s cold and disconnected. They will be the person that you will sit in a pleasurable silence with, just wondering what is flowing thru their mind. This won’t last long, not by any means. It will be a hop, skip and beat in your love history. After this momentary affair, you will forever label the love as the one person you couldn’t get to love you. It will hurt and sting worse than the good ones, the long ones, the important ones, the ones that wrote you poems, picked up your dry cleaning and got along with your dad. This will happen because apart of us has been programed to think that love is a game. It’s a challenge. It’s life’s ultimate test amongst our peers. Who will you find? Who will find you? Who will you end up with? Who will you have a family with? Who will you create a life with? Who will be on your team for the next competition? Yes, this is what love has become: a game, and when we lose a game we associate that as failure. When we’re feeling like a failure it’s hard to remember all the memories of those who loved us in the past. This love will be a perpetual stain on your love resume. No extracurricular activity will be able to disguise it. Don’t try to make sense of it.


You will fall in love. You will.  You will love the old couple you see walking hand and hand down the street. You will love them because they will represent the image of what you’ve been taught to seek. The impossible image: a stable, long-lasting, time enduring, family raising, society pleasing love. You will wonder if she settled, if he just says “yes” a lot or if their memory has faded past the point of something beautiful. You’ll convince yourself that you’ll never know their secret.


You will fall in love. You will. You will love smells, the good and the bad. You will jolt your head in a sudden movement from front to back when someone walks past you with a familiar scent. You will sit on a street you would’ve never imagined and you’ll write from your heart while you inhale previously unknown scents. You will wear your lover’s sweater because it makes you feel close to them and you’re somewhat proud to be the psycho who is literally pulling collars up and sniffing them in public. This will make you feel whole. You’ll secretly wish someone glances in your direction at the perfect moment to witness your insanity and they will attempt to understand the pleasure experienced by your nostrils. You will fall in love with the smell of certain foods, sweat and of course the season in which you fell in love. It’ll smell better than anything that can bloom in spring. This particular season will smell like fall. It’ll come with scents of fire burning, wine pouring, rain dropping, candy unwrapping and fog forming. When it ends, it’ll be over. Fall will never fall the same. The memories will cane to the pavement like a bank of torn apart leaves, only to dissipate when the rain showers them away.


You will fall in love. You will. You will fall in love with your friends. It will be the most passionate, rewarding, lasting, effortless love next to your family. They will become your second family. You will form a team, a tribe, a band, a secret society – all inclusive. There will be times where your family won’t be able to love you the way your friends will. They will be the pioneers of loving you properly in a very improper world. They will love you all the time without hesitation. At least the good ones will.


You will fall in love. You will. You will find that ‘one’ person who will be Goldilocks approved. They won’t be too tall or too short. They won’t be too cold or too nice. They won’t protect you or put you in harm’s way. Their orgasm will be more important than your own and their face will be utterly perfect through your lenses. They will never be afraid of showing you how much they love you. It won’t be a challenge that they take on with society, it won’t be a game they will have to prove worthy of winning to themselves. They will just love you. The “you” that isn’t easy to love. The “you” that is maybe too short, too cold and extremely harmful. This person is supposed to be the person who is waiting for us at the fork in the road where we will say our farewells to being “twentysomething.” They will be standing in the middle of this road like a sign of gratitude for all the heartache and loneliness we’ve paid hefty fines towards in our “twentysomething” years.


You will fall in love. You will. You will end up with the ‘one’ person who will love you so hard it will make you question their sanity. It will make you question your inner organs. You will have earned this person, this feeling, this moment of more moments to come. They will be around well past college, various jobs, different scents and seasons. They’ll make you believe in forever despite your better judgment. I’m not telling you that you will fall in love because it’s true. I’m telling you that you will fall in love because it needs to be true. In a world where no one is entitled to anything, this is an entitlement you should without logic believe in. Take it. Have it. It’s yours. Blow out the candles on your 30^th birthday, hold their hand, inhale, exhale and realize ... you fell in love. You did.

Perfect