Nameless Moments

There are a ton of experiences invaded by sentiments that trigger a whole host of emotions, but one among a few dozen favorites of recent past is coming back to a place that remains unchanged and finding all the way in which I have been modified. It's been a long time since I've written on this little hidden gem of mine and as much as this platform has remained unaltered, I am discovering more elements of myself that have grown and flourished rather than ones that have remained stagnant. As I sit here rummaging through my vintage words and thoughts, I can't help but smile. Behind that smile stands many milestones and experiences, but none of which, on their own are the ultimate reason for the many facets of improvement I have come to enjoy.

An immediate section of refinement that floats to the surface is the fact that I've been able to overcome the discrepancy of having a sentimental heart, yet a skeptical mind. People are often mislead to believe that most of their growth and self-discovery happens in their earlier youth. What an awful and incorrect static to accept. We are growing organisms and if we're lucky we're continuously changing and evolving. 

Advice Advancement

If you ask for too much advice you normally lose yourself in the vast amount of content people are willing to shove down your ears. But once in awhile you hear something that makes you smile, you take that advice and you hold on tightly because it made you smile and well, that's just enough to be worth it. 

Sonder

It always gets better ...

I think one of my favorite feelings is laughing with someone and realizing half way through how much you enjoy them and their existence.

I was quiet, not blind

Lusting for you, fall

SELFISH: the only thing you need to know about 'it' is how to spell 'it'

Listen and listen well, to the best of our knowledge we are only going to be on this planet once. This is your shot, this is your life, this is your ONE in ONE and NONE to come. In order to soak up as much as possible from this 'one' life we have been given, I suggest you make a decent effort to become the following: SELFISH. Before you peg me as a lunatic (which wouldn't be far from the truth), I'll explain why below. Keep in mind this is coming from someone who has been plagued by being, for the most part, very selfless.

self·ish

adjective

1. 1.

   (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure.

   "I joined them for selfish reasons"

   synonyms:

   egocentric, egotistic, egotistical, egomaniacal, self-centered, self-absorbed, self-obsessed, self-seeking, self-serving, wrapped up in oneself; More

   
   

So, we've all come across that a**hole who just doesn't give a flying fu*k about anyone but him/herself. I mean if you haven't then you really need to move to a big city. In LA everyone is looking out for their own and if you aren't, you're going to be left picking up pieces from someone else, who doesn't even know they left any behind. I use to think being selfish was the ugliest trait next to lacking humbleness, but in recent experiences, I've realized this is the only way to get ahead in life, whether it be with your education, career and/or relationships. The problem with the term selfish is that people begin to think it means deceiving, hurting and betraying others. Although, this can be the case, it doesn't have to be. If you're a decent human being to begin with you are going to be able to easily identify when you're just being a sh*tty person and when you're acting in the favor of this ONE life you've been given. No one owes you anything and with the same token, YOU owe no one anything. You can think I'm just a jaded and cynical and you possibly are right, but at the end of the day, today's date is September 3, 2015 and this is the society we are living in. A kind of society that requires this trait to be formulated, practiced and mastered in order to not just survive but to thrive. Darwin knew what he was talking about, even if I appear as thought I don't.  

4:39 AM

It's been a long time since I felt like I could write. Well, at least write something I thought I could share. As I scrolled through the archives of my private thoughts and scattered words, I realized that while most of the time I was sharing my writings because I wrote them other times I was writing them to share them. In the midst of that simple realization, I was immediately disappointed.

It felt like when my reasons for writing became unclear, I decided to stay away from words and focus on photographs. When the images began to blur and my eyes felt heavy, I relied on the sound of music and when my favorite artists were scarce in effect, I accepted silence. What I did not anticipate was the pleasure I would reap from this silence. With the absence of words, my feelings felt magnified. Feelings not allowed to speak have become my favorite. I began to believe that the only logic in verbalizing our feelings are to be able to share them. How useless to spend energy wasting words on visitors. After all, no matter how much you share your feelings by using your words and no matter how redundant your feelings and your words appear to be, at the end of the day they are fleeting, just like we'd hope most house guests would be.

If I should call you up, invest a dime ...

Everything has a price, if you're wondering what it is, just look at how you feel. There isn't a single moment both significant or mundane that has let you go without taking something from you.

New York City, Always a Good Idea

I'm no expert, but ...

For beginners, I've never been married, so I may have zero to negative zero authority to comment on such a matter as marriage, but I will anyways. We've all seen friends and family get engaged, married and then divorced. Some we expected, others not so much, nonetheless whether predicted by our extraterrestrial powers or not, we imagine it to suck. Now, I'm sure everyone has a theory or ten for why things crumbled the way they crumbled, and every marriage (I assume) is significantly different, but it dawned on me that...

ROCKET SHIP POPSICLE'S ROCK

Patiently Waiting

Goals

I AM A W.I.P.

WORK IN PROGRESS

Recurring thought: TRAVEL

Useful Information for Problematic Women

There will be moments in your life where you will realize that you weren't someone’s destination.  You served as an intermission, an oil change, a rest stop to something better.  With this knowledge can come one of many determinations: I hope you engage with the one that determines the possibility that your shortcomings are functional and understand that we are programmed to ruin things from time to time, to let people down and to have the story end in an anticipated disaster.  If you can grasp this, you’re already in tip top shape to be another’s permanent place of habitation.

Don’t allow others to persuade you that the pleasure you experience from solitude is wrong and somehow means you’re on the wrong path.  How awful it must be for those who cannot stand spending time with themselves.  In a world full of insecurity triggers, be a firm believer that it is a blessing to appreciate spending time with the one person you’re with one hundred percent of the time. 

People will call you a cynic.  Accept that they know no better.  You know the love you've experienced, the love you've given/gained and most importantly the love you are capable of.  You alone are the only person who can comprehend the vast amount of beauty that lies inside of your heart.  Being labeled a cynic because you are not willing to trade your character and respect for the first cube that forcefully tries to fit in your cubbyhole is not a bad badge of honor to rock.  In due course it only makes sense to love someone who understands that.

Things will go wrong.  They will go wrong more often than they will go right.  You will only notice this for a brief moment because you are the type of person who doesn't make up their mind easily.  You don’t like absolutes and you don’t like the concept of right or wrong.  You relish in the in-betweens.  So, when things go wrong in that brief moment take comfort that money worries, traffic, bad investments and angry friends are a sweet and savory breather from the larger catastrophes this life will surly serve up during your sentence.

Story Time

"Do we seize moments or do moments seize us?"

Boyhood, 2014

One Day ...

I'll

find

the

right

words

and

they

will

be

so

simple

I Hate People

A few times a week I like to walk to the grocery store across the street from my office.  I sit on a bench outside and enjoy my salad while I people watch.  Today, I had the displeasure of sitting in a close radius to two grown women.  Despite my efforts to ignore them and surf social media, I heard their conversation.  Irrelevant details aside, one was telling the other about how inspiring X person was for being disabled and still managing to leave the house and partake in social gatherings, she went on to describe how it was motivation for her to be less insecure about going to bars herself because after all, and I quote: “I’m blessed to be healthy.”  Now, having zero disabilities myself (besides the lack of ability to throw food at a dumb stranger), I was furious.  It dawned on me in that moment that disabled people or heck anyone for that matter aren't alive to serve as motivation for incomplete, incompetent, insecure, and insane people.  If we’d stop objectifying one another then maybe we could grow to be a society that needs less ego petting.  And sure I can acknowledge that these people intent to be complimentary in their approach to labeling disabled people or anyone less fortunate as exceptional for continuing with life despite their disadvantages, but something about the entire conversation disgusted me and well, I couldn't wait to spit my venom with my fingertips onto this keyboard.